A Bad Case of the “But-I-Want-To’s”

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Every way of a man is right in his own eyes,
But the Lord weighs the hearts.

- Proverbs 21:2

It's been a rough few weeks, Friends. The weather fronts coming in, going out in waves, one after the other after the other... Oh the Humanity.

See, the barometric pressures play havoc with my Intracranial Hypertension.

I'm so dizzy I can't even get to the bathroom without a walker, and even then it's touch and go sometimes. I'm hurting so badly that I find myself sitting with clenched fists, and no medication eases it in the least. That's the curse of IH.

My thoughts are fuzzy. I'm certainly in no shape to drive... or read... or cook...

You get the picture.

I've been mostly incapacitated, with brief times of reprieve between storms.

cross arms photo

I've had a bad, bad case of the “but-I-want-to's”!

I know that I am not well enough to go for a little shopping trip, but I want to!

I have no doubt that going to lend a helping hand with a physical task will do me in, but I want to!

Writing anything coherent is out of the question, but I want to!

And so I push. I push back against my body with it's frailties and limitations. I push with all my might, with a scowl affixed to my determined face. I strain until my muscles shake with the effort.

And do you know what I get in return for all my stubbornness?

Sick.

I get sick.

See, just like it says in the Proverbs, these ways seem right in my own eyes! In not one of these decisions have I bothered to ask what plans God has for me.

Our bodies have limitations. If we do not honor those, we pay hard consequences.

But this doesn't mean God doesn't have a plan for us, work for us to do!

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I was convicted by this scripture this week:
Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content
Philippians 4:11

Ouch, right?

Even when I'm stuck holding the recliner down, I can still put on the praise music and sing to our marvelous God. Even when I can't lend a physical helping hand, I can encourage and accomplish smaller tasks. And even when I am not able to sit upright because the room won't stop spinning, I can still pray!

Do these things seem “not enough” to you, Dear One? Do you have a bad case of the but-I-want-to's?

Have you stopped to ask what plans God has for you?

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Maybe there's a friend who just needs a listening ear.

There could be a schoolteacher who needs some coloring or cutting done for her next lesson!

Time to praise God is never wasted, not ever.

When was the last time you journaled?

Do you keep an updated prayer list? This is a wonderful use of your time.

Think of who might need a special card in the mail, and take your time making one!

As our scripture for today reminds us, God weighs our hearts.

He knows of our longings.

And He's given us a promise.

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
- Hebrews 13:5

Holy God, thank You for the conviction in your Holy Word. Please help us all to submit to your will for our lives, no matter what that will is. Teach us to be content. In Jesus' Name, Amen...


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May God Bless You,

Shelly

8 Comments on “A Bad Case of the “But-I-Want-To’s”

  1. Thank you my Bestie for writing this! I stepped right into it and made it ME! I NEEDED this! Thank you for following the prompting of the Holy Spirit!
    Love you bunches ❤

    • I'm SO glad to know I'm not the only one, Bestie!!! I love you and I'm praying for you! <3 Heart Hugs

  2. You put words to the daily struggle of living where we’re at and where we used to be. Thank you for the reminder that God’s ways are higher and better! I’m praying for you to “hold down the recliner” with grace and peace. I’m holding my recliner down as I write this.😘

    • Wendy, God has blessed me with your friendship!! Thank you for the encouragement. I love you, and am praying for you. <3 Heart Hugs

  3. Wow, words just for me. I’m with my kids today (school holidays). The rest of the time they’ve been cared for by other people for most of each day so that I can get the rest I need. It’s not even lunchtime and I’m lying in bed, exhausted! I overdid it this morning, I was so excited to be spending quality time with them for the *whole* day!

    After lying down for about an hour (they’re playing nicely in the other room) I read your post. It reminded me that God understands my limitations as a mother. And it reminded me to just do what I can do today, rather than trying to cram in more activities than my body can handle!

    Sorry to hear about your extreme dizziness. Must be so frustrating. 😔 Thank you for modeling how to remain content in unwanted circumstances - with God’s presence and help. 💚

    • (((((Kristy))))) Oh I SO know that feeling, intimately!! My kids are teens now, and one has graduated already, but when I have them around me I always feel this way! I make so many grand plans and get so excited. The happy stress almost does me in all by itself! lol
      So thankful God could encourage you to put less pressure on yourself today!
      I love you, and am praying for you. <3 Heart Hugs

  4. Oh Shelly, sooooo sorry to hear all that you're going through currently!
    I could very easily change the details, but I have the same pig-headed determination that pushes through when rest is what my body is pleading for!! It's what I do...... often!! Not always a helpful thing, though sometimes I know that God uses it to help me..... like turning around my sleep cycles. Yet.... often..... I don't ask God what He wants!! Sorry Lord! Thanks for the reminder, Shelly! May God bless you with His comfort as you rest IN Him! LOTSoluv Kerryn

    • Yep, Pig-Headed. I wear that title. LOL
      I love you, and am praying for you, my sweet friend. <3 Heart Hugs

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