I found myself blushing. I felt the need to apologize and once again I was ashamed. You see, I was having a visit with a nurse for a new doctor I was seeing, and I had to hand her my list that shows all of my illnesses, surgeries, medications, and allergic reactions. Yes I said list. Otherwise I can't remember it all. I carry the list everywhere with me, and it's shorthanded so that it all fits on one page... barely.
I always feel sorry for the nurses that have to input those things into the computer. I feel bad for the doctors that have to try and decipher my enigma. I feel guilty when I walk in carrying my list in my hand, my questions in my mind, my pains in my body, and sometimes my feelings on my sleeve.
I want things to be simple. I want answers to be quick. I want time to be fleeting and help to come soon.
I found myself looking into the twinkling brown eyes of the sweet nurse and saying, “I'm so sorry! I want nothing more than to be an easy patient.”
Do you ever feel that way? Well here is what God said to me on that night....
“Do you want to be the easy patient, or are you comfortable needing a Savior?”
Yep, leave it to God to bring me back to a spiritual perspective.
I've always been a Christian. I have never had a time that I remember being without God (even though some days were dark and I questioned this). But until I became ill, did I really recognize my NEED of my Savior?
Of course I knew that I was a sinner and needed saving. But did I know, down to my cells, that I was completely and utterly dependent on Him for my very breath? Did I seek His counsel and aid before each and every precious step?
I was thankful for salvation and for a relationship with my Lord. But was I really in relationship? The kind of relationship that is co-dependent and proud of it... the kind of relationship that feels like you just can't make it one more moment without some type of contact with your beloved?
In thinking on things from this perspective, I realized that what I want is not to be an easy patient. Not if it means that I will lose this craving, this utter helplessness and dependence, this glorious gratitude.
So how about you?
Do you want to be the easy patient, or are you comfortable needing a Savior?
Beautiful Savior, why You chose to draw me to you is a mystery to me, but I am forever grateful. Thank you for always keeping my mind focused on You, even when it strays to daydream about being the easy patient. In Jesus' Name, Amen...
If you have been helped by this post and think it could be helpful to someone you know, please share this post on the social network of your choice for me.
All you have to do is click one of the buttons below.
May God Bless You,