He who gives
attention to the word will find good,
And blessed is he who trusts in the Lord. - Proverbs 16:20
This year has been a bumpy one! I would bet it has been for you, too. I've missed you, and our chats. I'm walking again. Driving. But we discovered this year that I have had a prolonged exposure to mold, which may be the crux of all my issues. And I've been ill ever since. One germ after another has invaded and taken hold and multiplied, or whatever it is that germs do. All I know is that I have no immune system to speak of and because of this am mostly homebound... again.
Instead of taking this all in stride, remembering what I've learned the last 10 years about God, I am fighting it tooth and nail. I am resentful and bitter. And I am done.
I just feel... Done. Do you know what I mean?
I'm weary beyond description. Weary of all of it. The pain, the insomnia, the guilt, the discouragement. Weary to the bone and I just can't do it anymore. Any of it.
My therapist said that stopping writing was stopping what brought me joy. It was also stopping a very important outlet for me. A venting, but also a place I felt needed and useful. And most importantly, it's how I wrestle with God. It's our form of deep communication, and I've gone without it for far too long now. She's right.
Return, O Israel,
to the Lord your God,
For you have stumbled because of your iniquity.
Take words with you and return to the Lord.
Say to Him, “Take away all iniquity
And receive us graciously,
That we may present the fruit of our lips. -Hosea 14:1-2
So here I am. I've missed all of you so very, very much, Dear Ones. I'm once again pledging to God to write as long as he's giving me words. And oh, how he's speaking into my heart.
He gives me words when I'm asleep, and I wake up with devotionals swirling inside my head, complete and whole and beautiful. Then I refuse to write them down. But no more.
And so, starting tomorrow, we'll look at what being done really means and if it's truth or yet another lie from our crafty enemy.
Are you in?
Heavenly Father, forgive me. Forgive me for fearing more than faithing. Forgive me for shutting out and shutting down. Forgive me for losing sight and losing grip. Help me. Help us all. In Jesus' Name, Amen...
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May God Bless You,