“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.” – Isaiah 43:1-2
My illness has a unique symptom. It’s called Pulsatile Tinnitus, which is a fancy way of saying I can hear a whooshing sound in time to my heart beat in my ears. It comes and goes, and sometimes it’s louder than others, but it’s one of the hallmark symptoms of Intracranial Hypertension.
The times when the whooshing is loudest and most disturbing coincides with the times that my pressure is highest. In the doctor’s minds, that symptom getting worse equals panic time. More testing, closer observation… fear.
But let me tell you what it means to me. God is sending my own pulse into my ears at the roughest moments, drowning out all of the clamoring of necessary testing and the voices that are afraid. He is reminding me in a tangible way that it is He who controls each rush of blood. He keeps my heart pumping and my blood flowing and my breath ebbing in and out.
The whooshing hums, “Stay focused… in this moment… just trust… I’m here. Stay focused… in this moment… just trust… I’m here.”
It sounds a lot like the sounds a baby hears in the womb. It’s deeply comforting to me, in a time that otherwise feels frantic and scary. I mean, let’s get real, how many other people get such an awareness of their body’s deeper processes? As symptoms go, I kinda lucked out.
God intentionally blesses us in the most wondrous ways, doesn’t he?
Holy God, thank You for the ways you bless me even in my challenges. You amaze me. I need You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…
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