I've noticed something lately. I've been angry, friends. Not an overt kind of anger, and not anything that I am aware of in a conscious sort of way, but angry none-the-less.
I think it has a lot to do with having my hope for recovery snatched away. It entails chronic pain... I mean real pain that is relentless and that there is no real help for, never a moment of peace without it. I know that not being able to sleep for weeks on end is only adding to the problem with this anger.
But here's the thing. There's no one to be angry with... there's no target for this rage and I have no idea how to channel it better so that it will not cause such collateral damage in my own family. Really, how fair is it that those who are the most loving and concerned about me get the brunt of my angst?
I find myself lashing out. I find that I spark to anger so quickly over every little thing. I watch myself make mountains out of molehills and I notice my biggest loves are now on eggshells around me. It breaks my heart, it really does. And I want it to stop.
Now let me make myself clear. Anger is natural. There is nothing evil or sinful about feeling honest emotions, and even constructively expressing said emotions. Even Jesus felt a full range of emotions, and expressed them, and He never sinned.
Jesus made a whip from some ropes and chased them all out of the Temple. He drove out the sheep and cattle, scattered the money changers’ coins over the floor, and turned over their tables. - John 2:15
The problem comes in when I allow the anger to go on and on. It's controlling me, at times. And I feel like the devil is sure not passing up this prime opportunity to gain a foothold. That's just how he rolls.
Do you have this issue, too? Tomorrow, what the heck to do about it.
Glorious King, Thank You for allowing me to feel and express the full range of emotions without guilt. Please help me to know how to channel those so that they do not grow and fester in my heart, giving my enemy any tools against me. Continue to guide and fill me, and forgive me when I fail. In Jesus' Name, Amen...
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May God Bless You,