Collateral Damage

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. - James 1:19-20

I've noticed something lately. I've been angry, friends. Not an overt kind of anger, and not anything that I am aware of in a conscious sort of way, but angry none-the-less.

I think it has a lot to do with having my hope for recovery snatched away. It entails chronic pain... I mean real pain that is relentless and that there is no real help for, never a moment of peace without it. I know that not being able to sleep for weeks on end is only adding to the problem with this anger.

But here's the thing. There's no one to be angry with... there's no target for this rage and I have no idea how to channel it better so that it will not cause such collateral damage in my own family. Really, how fair is it that those who are the most loving and concerned about me get the brunt of my angst?

 angry photo

I find myself lashing out. I find that I spark to anger so quickly over every little thing. I watch myself make mountains out of molehills and I notice my biggest loves are now on eggshells around me. It breaks my heart, it really does. And I want it to stop.

You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. - Colossians 3:7-8

Now let me make myself clear. Anger is natural. There is nothing evil or sinful about feeling honest emotions, and even constructively expressing said emotions. Even Jesus felt a full range of emotions, and expressed them, and He never sinned.

When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. - John 11:33

Jesus made a whip from some ropes and chased them all out of the Temple. He drove out the sheep and cattle, scattered the money changers’ coins over the floor, and turned over their tables. - John 2:15

The problem comes in when I allow the anger to go on and on. It's controlling me, at times. And I feel like the devil is sure not passing up this prime opportunity to gain a foothold. That's just how he rolls.

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. - Ephesians 4:26-27

Do you have this issue, too? Tomorrow, what the heck to do about it.

Glorious King, Thank You for allowing me to feel and express the full range of emotions without guilt. Please help me to know how to channel those so that they do not grow and fester in my heart, giving my enemy any tools against me. Continue to guide and fill me, and forgive me when I fail. In Jesus' Name, Amen...


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May God Bless You,

Shelly

10 Comments on “Collateral Damage

  1. Thank you for expressing your emotions Shelly. I get angry too, and hold it in because I don't know what to do with it. Then I guess holding it in makes me depressed. A snowball getting bigger. I need to express it also.
    We are Gods property and the enemy cannot touch us. He won't get a foothold.
    Today when I knew that a new med wasn't right for me, some hopes were gone....but, Jesus helped me like I know for sure He helps you. He showed me the faces of my children and grandchildren. I looked out the window at a tree and a bird feeder. And I felt thankful for that. You have taught me so much about hope and thanksgiving, so we are victorious with our Savior!!

    • ((((Linda)))) <3 It is a snowball, that's the perfect description. Loved reading how God lifted you up with nature and the faces of your loved ones. How special! Love you so much, sweet sister. <3 Heart Hugs

  2. Oh, Beautiful Shelly, I have prayed that the Lord blesses you with the tools you need for another channel to release your pain and anger. The anger we feel when we can't control what's happening to our bodies is torturous which then builds up onto the physical pain we're already feeling. Expressing it, in my opinion, helps diffuse what we're feeling; at least it does for me. Anger sucks, but it is a natural emotion in the grieving process. Just know we are praying for you.
    Big hug! Tammy
    Tammy+Ingram recently posted...Living With Addiction Day 13 ~ ShameMy Profile

    • Tammy I'm sending you the biggest hugs!! Your comments have been such a blessing to me, and remind me that someone is praying for me. What a blessing you are. Love you. <3 Heart Hugs

  3. Shelly - I have found myself bound up in anger for some weeks. I hate how it pounces into my mind so fast. It is not so much directed at my physical afflictions but a situation came up with a friend. It is not she who caused the anger but what has happened in her life - a happiness - tore at deep places in me that God has chosen not to meet. I pain went deeper than ever before ( not the first time I have dealt with this ). But who am I angry at? Not my friend although my thoughts can direct me there as the enemy get a hold. I have no one around so my "family" is not getting the outpouring of my pain. God? I am not angry with Him for I trust Him as my only ally to whom I CAN pour out the feelings. I simply long that they not go on for this long as I get spent in expressing them to Him and accept the many gifts He has given to me. This one area is the painful place so I will face the feelings as real, God as real and understanding and see how He frees me from something over which I have no control. The situation over which I have not control other than to accept it.
    Lynn Severance recently posted...The Courage to Trust in God's DelaysMy Profile

    • Sweet ((((Lynn)))) I sure wish I could hug you in person. My heart hurts for yours. It does seem like the devil just sits and waits for his opportunity, doesn't it? And he sure does pounce with a vengeance, he never misses a chance or his mark. It is so hard when God works differently in our lives than he does in someone else's. Especially when our hearts really do long for what we see there. I am praying with you and I love you. <3 Heart Hugs

  4. I just found your blog, and its interesting that this is your most recent entry and that this is something I'm "dealing" with, although, I'm not dealing with it at all. i'm constantly angry, and I can so relate to you saying that anything sets you off. I too suffer with chronic pain. I feel like someone is constantly pouring acid down my spine. There is no relief. I've been angry for so long that I no longer know how not to be so. Its eating me alive.

    Please keep me in your prayers, and thank you for this.

    Phil

    • Phil, I am thanking God for crossing our paths! I will be praying for you, and will email you as well. Sometimes it helps to just be able to vent to someone. I find that a lot of my times of anger are also the times when I am feeling the most depression and despair, so maybe it's easier to express the anger than those deeper emotions?? I don't know, but interesting thought. I'm so sorry for your pain. <3 Heart Hugs

  5. Pingback: On Limiting Collateral Damage - Renewed Daily

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