So a couple of weeks ago, I talked about how I realized that I am a double agent. I outlined 3 steps of how I eased into this role. Now the digging out continues.
Today, let's talk about inner dialogue. We all know how important kindness is in the life of a Christian. Words like mercy, grace, love and compassion... these are what we strive to show to others. Why not to ourselves?
The last couple of weeks, the Lord has kept two verses at the forefront of my mind.
but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! - James 3:8-10
Ouch. And Thank You, Lord.
There is a reason the Holy Spirit had the New Testament writers repeat the beautiful truth of God's love for us.
When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. - Romans 5:6-8
Because He didn't, as we wrongly think, need anything from us other than to love Him back. To love Him enough to become His friend.
“This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. - John 15:12-14
And so all this agonizing, this berating of our weaknesses that we constantly do, tearing ourselves down in our own mind... this is contrary to the Holy Spirit.
These failings we so detest, these shattered places that cause us to despise ourselves, these are the very places where God shines most brightly through us.
We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. - 2 Corinthians 4:7
Instead we should align our thinking to follow His lead.
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. - Philippians 4:8
When I began to put these thoughts into action, not letting any thoughts fully form until they had passed this test, I began to realize just how much I needed to eliminate from my internal dialogue. Seriously, it shocked me to my core to recognize how little I had to say to or about myself that passed the Spirit's guidelines.
Some days, those thoughts are all that seem to flow from me. I have begun printing off scripture and taping them up where I can see them throughout the day and the long nights. I used to do this all the time, in my healthier days, but somehow I lost that good habit along the way, making it easier for the enemy to feed the seed of self-hatred and abuse.
All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. - 2 Timothy 3:16
And so some days are now filled with more silence than I'm comfortable with, but even in that there is blessing. See that's the third topic for our little series here... isolation and how we deal with it.
I've shared here many of the scriptures I've hung up to keep myself grounded until I break the cycle of self-abuse. Which scriptures would you choose?
Dear God, Thank You immensely for the gift of the Holy Spirit, for the treasure of Your written Word. Help us never to take these Scriptures for granted, but to engrave them on our hearts for when our flesh is too weak to find them in the dark moments. We love you, Father. In Jesus' Name, Amen...
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