The One About My Vacation

Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
Remind me that my days are numbered—
how fleeting my life is.
You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.
My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;
at best, each of us is but a breath.” –
Psalm 39:4-5

IMGP2817

I am officially back from vacation, and settled in back at home. It’s wonderful.

I appreciate all the prayers for us while we were away. They were felt and needed. We had a lovely time and made some great memories. It was pure joy watching the children enjoy things they’ve never seen or been able to do before.

With that said, I had to face some harsh realities, and I feel led to be honest with you here about those. Because surely there are others like me, who look so forward to getting away and then find that real life might not match up to their dreams.

Vacation with an illness and disability is mostly just a change of address. This epiphany became clear this week, and it hit me pretty hard. We did have a wonderful time, but I spent most of the time in the cabin and am pretty set back from the tiny bit I did do. I literally only left the cabin on 2 days, for 2 hours at a time. A 5 day vacation. Yeah.

IMGP2826

It feels very much like I’m a bit of taffy, being pulled and stretched in different directions at once. Twisting between which way I should actually feel. Much too tired to actually be able to sort it all out.

I want my family to go and have fun without me, knowing that their joy will bring me joy. And then they are off and I am alone and trying not to feel left behind. I desire to push just a little harder, in hopes of extending my time out with them, or what I am able to do. And then I push, for just 15 more minutes, and my ear drum bursts and I spend the last 3 days in terrible pain. Worth it?

IMGP2832

For those of us who face these vacation challenges, nothing is simple, is it? As a dear friend says, “We have to take our bodies with us on vacation.” Exactly, Lynn. Exactly.

So I’ve been on a bit of a roller coaster for the last couple of weeks, as I’ve tried to sort through my emotional ups and downs, at the same time wading through my physical issues.

I am so, so glad that we went on vacation. I recognize that even a month ago, I would have been unable to even get there. In that way, it feels like a victory. I would do it again in a heartbeat, and I will always cherish the memories. I hope we can do it again soon.

I am so, so sad at how far I have declined. You would think that after years of being homebound and doing nothing but reclining all day every day, I would be completely aware of how bad off I am. But you would be wrong. Somehow the vacation made things much clearer, in a much harsher way, and all at once. Constantly, I thought of how this would have been 6 years ago, or how I wished that it could be. The comparisons exhaust me.

And so I am right back at square one with the acceptance issue. I guess we never fully master that, do we? At least not this side of heaven.

photo credit: ronsho © via photopin cc

photo credit: ronsho © via photopin cc

But the Lord, oh, He’s been so good to me through this entire thing. I haven’t heard one sigh or seen one eye roll as I broach the same ground with Him that He has carried me through countless times before. He sits with me as I mull, nodding in all the right places. He keeps His arms securely round me. He picks me up and carries me as I cry on His shoulder.

He answers all of my same questions, over and over again. Sometimes with silence, but that’s still an answer, isn’t it?

He holds my hand, linking His fingers with mine so I won’t lose my grip. He gives my husband and children just the right words to say at just the right moments, breathing hope and love back into my weary heart. He reminds me of my importance and that I am enough. Even now. Just like this. I am enough.

I thought you might need to hear it, too.

Holy Father, Your faithfulness astounds me. Thank you for walking this ground with me once again. I’m sure we’ll be back here again, but I’m looking forward to a mountaintop view soon, instead of these shadowed valleys. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…


If you have been helped by this post and think it could be helpful to someone you know, please share this post on the social network of your choice for me.

All you have to do is click one of the buttons below.

May God Bless You,

Shelly

14 Comments on “The One About My Vacation

  1. Oh Shelly…I’m so sorry this journey has been so hard. I thank you for sharing your heart and the depth of your feelings. Through your pain, you still always look to Jesus! That is so encouraging…to all of us. I pray that as you carry your cross, God will continue to pour blessing upon blessing on you. I pray for comfort and healing and for the emotional roller-coaster I’m sure you are on, to level out. You are loved, Shelly. Not only by God and your family, but by all those “out here” whom are so touched by your heart — including ME! Our bodies are broken vessels, aren’t they? But it is through broken vessels that God’s light will shine out through the cracks!!

    Hugs, Joan
    Joan recently posted…Sharing His BeautyMy Profile

    • Sweet Joan, you always know just what I need to hear. Thank you for being such a precious friend and Sister in my life. I love you. heart hugs, Shelly <3

  2. Just three words … I love you♡♡
    Okay you know me can’t stop at three words!!
    So two more words … I understand!! REALLY I do (okay that’s more than two words!)
    Thank you my sweet friend for being so transparent and honest because I truly needed it today because I am finding myself asking some of the same questions and dealing with the same frustrations
    But thank you, as well, for always bringing my eyes back to Jesus
    Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
    I love you my sweet friend and I sm praying for you♡♡♥♥

    • Aw, Barb!! As usual, you had me smiling in no time! Your friendship is a joy, and I love you. Praying for you, too. Heart Hugs, Shelly <3

  3. Thank you for sharing so honestly about your vacation adventures. I find such freedom and healing when I am brutally honest about my own hurts and frustrations, be it before the Lord in to close friends. May you find blessings in your faithfulness to hold tight to the Lord as you move forward in joy and disappointments. God is so good and I see that over and over in heart as you share. Blessings! Love, Rachael
    Rachael @ Inking the Heart recently posted…Finding Rest in RestlessnessMy Profile

    • Thank you, Rachael. Your words are so soothing to my soul. Heart Hugs, Shelly <3

  4. Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus…just to rest on His promise….perfect hymn choice my precious friend….. I totally agree with Joan that you are always looking to Jesus even when the going is SO VERY TOUGH !!

    iT’S SO HARD WHEN WE CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE MIND OF GOD ….we know His ways are hgher than ours…but oh…how we long to understand why he doesn’t just heal us……

    Praying for you, my dearly loved friend….and wanting with ALL of my heart for a complete healing and praying for it with all my heart too.

    God IS rebuking the devourer for you..He IS fighting for you….and I trust what I heard Him say this-morning….that you will have a mighty testimony to share at some time in the not too distant future.

    We are standing with you holding up your arms as Aaron and Hur did for Moses….keep your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face…..and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.

    Loving on you with all I’ve got….and than thanking God for the joy of knowing you. xxxx

    • Mary, you bless me so much. Thank you. Love you. Heart Hugs, Shelly <3

  5. Shelly, I have been thinking of you and praying for you all day. I read your post this morning and so often I do not feel like I have the right words to share. I’m not sure I still do other than to say I love your honesty in this post of your struggles during your vacation. Oh I’m still without words because I wish I could hug you instead. You are loved, friend. So loved. xoxo
    Beth+(@SimplyBeth3) recently posted…Get to Know You Monday (Vol. 10)My Profile

    • Oh, Beth. You said just the right things. I’m praying I get that hug one day, this side of heaven. Love you. Thank you for your prayers! Heart Hugs, Shelly <3

  6. Dear Shelly, are your ears and sinuses doing better with the Augmentin, and prayer? Have you gotten some rest? Aside from that, I’m so thankful you got to go on your family vacation. It sounds like memories were made, even though challenges were there too. Vacations aren’t the same as when we were younger and more physically indestructible!! I have to schedule a visit to my daughter after I’ve had my neck injection so I will feel good enough to be there more for the grand kids. Your children and husband love you dearly and are such a blessing, I can feel that. Love, Linda

    • Hi, sweet Linda! 🙂 I am still the same, unfortunately, but the prayers are keeping my spirits from being low. I appreciate them so much! The memories from our vacation are sweet, and I know the challenging ones will fade as time passes. My family is what keeps me going. They are such a treasure. Love you. Heart Hugs, Shelly <3

  7. I am so sorry this has ransacked your body so.
    This video selection is perfect.
    I was singing right along with it.

    • This song is one of my favorites! God has redeemed so much in my life, despite what illness has robbed. Heart Hugs, Shelly <3

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.