Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. – James 1:17

There’s this crazy truth about chronic illness. It’s like a petri dish for self-doubt.

I have this really awful habit… here’s how it goes:

I beg and pray and plead for a “break” from pain or suffering. Just a tiny break. And our gracious God grants a reprieve. I spend a little time thanking, yes, and enjoying. But it takes no time at all until the self-doubt surfaces. No time at all.

“You’re getting a break because these symptoms were never real to begin with… you made them up, you can take them away at will.”

“You’ve just gotten lazy, that’s all there is to it. If you’d just make up your mind to be well, you’d be fine.”

“Maybe all you were experiencing wasn’t as bad as you remember.”

I could go on, oh I sure could. Does this happen to you, too?

Basically what I’m doing is robbing God’s gift of it’s inherent beauty. I am I’m bearing gifts as if they’re burdens. It’s not right.

Part of what makes us do this is the sincere longing to be just a little crazy rather than a whole lot truly ill. It would be easier, if more embarrassing. Cause if we make it happen, we can undo it.

Part of what makes us do this is the people the enemy has used as his foot-soldiers in our journey. They usually have lots of letters after their name. They look important and they speak with authority and we rely on them for help. What we get instead are accusations or doubt. Those people, they are so cruel, and I’m thankful that they are outnumbered by the good guys. If only their voices were quieter.

Part of the reason we do this is because our bodies truly are such a mystery, and have been for so many years, that it feels like we can’t rely on any solid truths about it. About our health. Since most of what we’ve heard are really just guesses, the guesses could be wrong, right?

It really doesn’t matter, though, does it, what the cause is?

Because basically what I’m doing is robbing God’s gift of it’s inherent beauty. I am I’m bearing gifts as if they’re burdens. It’s not right.

Sometimes the only thing that God requires of us is to receive. To know who we are receiving from, to acknowledge that in joy, and to revel in the gifted moments. Sometimes the only thing we’re supposed to do is rest, in Him.

These moments He gives us are not made to question. They are not meant to squander. Perhaps we have no peace in our own bodies, no answers and no certainty. But we can always have peace in Him.

Are you receiving? Are you resting? Are you accepting His peace?

I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. – Philippians 3:14

Heavenly Father, thank You for the moments of relief You grant us. Please help us to accept these blessed times and place our trust in You instead of wallowing in feelings of self-doubt. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…

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2 Comments on “Receiving

  1. Oh Shelly…. I hear you and God in this post…..let’s cease striving and nestle instead of wrestling……and soak in His goodness and Love for us.

    You spoke directly to my heart in this and I thank God for you and pray that your receiving will be glorious and the painful times shortened that you might endure by His power.

    Love you precious sister !! xxxx

  2. Shelly, I pray for breaks from the pain also. But during the breaks I waste the rest and receiving time by doing all the things that need done on my to do list. Then I get so aggravated with myself for getting too tired, then I crash from the pain of doing too much. Aren’t we silly? During a break from the terrible pain I could rest and sleep because my body is so weary.

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