Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” Otherwise you are boasting about your own pretentious plans, and all such boasting is evil. – James 4:13-16
Oh, I had such plans. Didn’t you? Chronic illness already had me pretty derailed. Disability certainly wasn’t in my plans. Pain… um, no.
But here and now there’s a whole new issue to deal with… Primary Lateral Sclerosis. I’ve talked a little about it in this space, but not much. Mainly because it fairly overwhelms me. It’s about as bad as it gets, diagnosis-wise. Frankly, it terrifies me.
And it definitely wasn’t in my plans.
The past few weeks have been blacker than normal. Even on the days that aren’t pitch black, they are definitely more of a gray than normal. Other colors seem way more subdued.
This is how I know that where I am as an author is exactly where God planned for me to be, here and now. Because the book that will next be published, and that has been in the works since just before this diagnosis, is a book on facing despair and depression. How cool is that?
God’s plan all along was that I would be reading through, over and over again, each and every word He has given me over the past few years that deal with depression, despair, sadness, suicide, His silence… I could go on and on. Each word has renewed my hope. Seeing this come together at this exact time… priceless.
God has a plan, and I am still a part of it. He cares about even the small, seemingly coincidental details of my life. That gives me such peace, I can hardly describe it. It’s like asking for a tiny rope to cling to and then finding myself harnessed in and resting on a ledge.
And so I will say, “If the Lord wants me to, I will live and do this or that.”
Sounds like a plan…
Amazing Savior, having You not only right beside me, but truly providing for me no matter how hard this gets… oh that just blows me away. I love You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…
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