A Bumpy Year and a Return to Writing

He who gives attention to the word will find good,
And blessed is he who trusts in the Lord. – Proverbs 16:20

This year has been a bumpy one! I would bet it has been for you, too. I’ve missed you, and our chats. I’m walking again. Driving. But we discovered this year that I have had a prolonged exposure to mold, which may be the crux of all my issues. And I’ve been ill ever since. One germ after another has invaded and taken hold and multiplied, or whatever it is that germs do. All I know is that I have no immune system to speak of and because of this am mostly homebound… again.

Instead of taking this all in stride, remembering what I’ve learned the last 10 years about God, I am fighting it tooth and nail. I am resentful and bitter. And I am done.

I just feel… Done. Do you know what I mean?

Done in.

Done for.

Just… Done.

I’m weary beyond description. Weary of all of it. The pain, the insomnia, the guilt, the discouragement. Weary to the bone and I just can’t do it anymore. Any of it.

My therapist said that stopping writing was stopping what brought me joy. It was also stopping a very important outlet for me. A venting, but also a place I felt needed and useful. And most importantly, it’s how I wrestle with God. It’s our form of deep communication, and I’ve gone without it for far too long now. She’s right.

Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God,
For you have stumbled because of your iniquity.
Take words with you and return to the Lord.
Say to Him, “Take away all iniquity
And receive us graciously,
That we may present the fruit of our lips. -Hosea 14:1-2

So here I am. I’ve missed all of you so very, very much, Dear Ones. I’m once again pledging to God to write as long as he’s giving me words. And oh, how he’s speaking into my heart.

He gives me words when I’m asleep, and I wake up with devotionals swirling inside my head, complete and whole and beautiful. Then I refuse to write them down. But no more.

And so, starting tomorrow, we’ll look at what being done really means and if it’s truth or yet another lie from our crafty enemy.

Are you in?

Heavenly Father, forgive me. Forgive me for fearing more than faithing. Forgive me for shutting out and shutting down. Forgive me for losing sight and losing grip. Help me. Help us all. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…

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May God Bless You,


5 Comments on “A Bumpy Year and a Return to Writing

  1. Oh, hello Shelly! What a pleasant surprise to see you pop up in my inbox after so long. I’m sad it’s been such a tough year and I’m glad you’re getting back to your writing. I’ve missed you too! ?

  2. Oh Shelly! How wonderful to hear from you, but also how sad I am to hear of the travails you’ve been going through!
    However….. I have hope for you!! This seems to be God’s awesome timing!! Just last night my Christian Naturopath/Nutritionist told me of some amazing breakthroughs she’s had with a patient who had awful mould exposure & dreadful immune suppression, exhaustion, depression & anxiety! I’ll email you with more information, as she sees that my middle son fits the same profile of mould exposure & wants to treat him too! Sooooo excited for my son….. & you! I’ll email later…. still wiped from my 90 minute appointment yesterday!!! LOTSoluv Kerryn

  3. Wonderful to hear you will be writing again, especially as it brings you JOY.

    I’ve had a seriously tough year too, so welcome back!

    We will cheer each other along towards the finishing line!

    Prayers and love.

  4. Dear Shelly,
    Thank you for sharing the devotional God gives you, especially when you don’t feel like it. You are a blessing to me and others! Thank you!

  5. It is so nice to see you writing again! I was delightfully surprised to see your email in my inbox this week. I’m sorry you have had a tough year, but I look forward to reading here as you share what God is teaching you.

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