But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. – Matthew 6:33-34

I admit it… I’m a list-maker. Ok, ok, I’m a list-lover. The first step to recovery is admitting the problem, right?

Before chronic illness blew into my life like a bad smell on a high wind, my lists were even worse than they are now. I mean, I kept track of my days with a timed schedule list! I know, right? I was that woman. Sometimes I still miss her. 😉

Now that my life has been blessed with an unscheduled Full-Stop and a never-ending Slow-Down, I have had an epiphany regarding lists.

Lists are stressful. Oh, I have argued otherwise on many occasions. Many. But it is true. While I still like a general schedule and I recognize the importance of writing things down that I might otherwise forget, I also know that the lists I kept and am still tempted to keep are creating more stress.

Here’s what I mean:
I wrote down showering. I wrote down get dressed. I wrote down eat, for Pete’s sake! Why did I do that? Was it because I was afraid I might forget to do those things if they weren’t on my list? NO!!

I wrote down each little minute detail of my day because I wanted to be able to cross it off and feel like I had accomplished something! Then I began to feel like I wasn’t accomplishing enough, so I made my list longer. I had to think what I could add so that I was accomplishing more and always using my time wisely. Then of course I couldn’t keep up with all I had on the list without literally writing out each time frame.

Once I did this, I had another problem. Had I left myself enough time to complete the tasks for each block of time? Not without rushing. Then if any tiny detail fell into my life, unscheduled, the entire day was thrown off. This left me frazzled, rushed, grumpy, and preoccupied.

I had become a slave to my lists. I didn’t realize it at the time. Oh, no, it took me months to figure out what I had been like. At the time, I felt powerful, productive and in-control. But that was an illusion. The lists were in control.

Now I am learning a new skill. I no longer make to-do lists of any kind. Now I have suggestion jot-downs. I make jot-downs of any ideas that come to me as I go about my day. They are in no order or category. If they never get done, it’s not a big deal. These suggestions are things that if I have a time when I am bored or wish to do something creative or productive, I can look at my jot-downs and choose what appeals to me.

Sometimes I go days without looking at a list. Any of you who knew me before, pick your jaws up off the floor.

Everything that needs to be done in a day is already going to get done. I want my days free for God to whisper His plans into them. Or blow into them like a strong wind (which now smells much sweeter). I want my lists to be a slave to me.

So how about you? Do you have to-do lists, or suggestion jot-downs?

Dear Lord, thank You for the insight that chronic illness grants us into our own bad habits. Thank You for the chance to change them. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0CHgM1u2Js

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May God Bless You,

Shelly