How We Know When We’re Done

warrior fight photo

For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves – 2 Corinthians 1:8-9a

It never ceases to amaze me, how the Holy Spirit somehow knew, over 2000 years ago, that I would need to feel a kinship with the suffering of the apostles… that I would need to read this very passage today.

Because, this, this is how “done” feels.

And the Truth, it doesn’t tell us that we are wrong. That we’re not done, does it?

Not, it tells us the secret. God doesn’t beat around the bush or hint or hope we can decipher what He’s trying to tell me. He doesn’t coddle me, or give me empty platitudes that might make me feel better.

God acknowledges…

indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves

… that we are indeed as done as we are feeling.

But then, he waits not even another verse before revealing the secret. The thing that the enemy wants us to think is so elusive, the answer, is right there in black and white in the second half of verse 9.

so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; – 2 Corinthians 1:9b

Oh sure, Shell, it’s that simple. Just trust in God.

I can hear the same sarcasm in your voice that I have in mine. But I have only one answer for you.

Exacly.

It’s that simple.

And here’s why:

who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us,you also joining in helping us through your prayers, so that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the favor bestowed on us through the prayers of many. – 2 Corinthians 1:10-11

Because the deliverance we needed has already been delivered, I will wait on Him to let me know when I’m done.

I’ll know it when He takes me home for that sweet rest. When I reach the end of this race I’m determined to keep running. And He’s the only one that can know when that is.

I’m not done after all. Far from it.

And He was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. – Luke 9:23

Dear God, it is on You I have set my hope. Thank you for my fellow warriors, my prayer partners and those who are knee-deep with me. Thank You for the reminder that I am not done. Here am I, Lord. Send me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…


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Shelly

Feeling Done For?

beaten photo

Definition of done for

1sunk in defeat BEATEN

2mortally stricken DOOMED

Yeah, the Holy Spirit really chaffed at me when I read this one. Wow. Had I really just days ago given myself this label? Done for? Really??

Sometimes depression takes me to depths I didn’t even know existed. Don’t get me wrong, I willingly go there, but I think I’m sort of numb on the journey, ya know?

I don’t realize til something like the above definition slaps me in the face, how far down I’ve actually gone. This one is bound to be rock bottom.

Time for some truth, don’t you think? And there’s only one place to go for that.

For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God – Romans 8:14-16

See what I’ve done? I’ve let myself be led again into slavery. Walked back into chains willingly.

He’s a sneaky one, the devil.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. – Ephesians 6:10-12

knight photo

I’ve been tossed about, double minded, making null and void the sacrifice of our Lord. The thought fills me with dread and sorrow. And guilt.

But there’s a Grace for that…

But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. – James 4:6-8

It’s time. Time to drag myself up off this floor and remember who I am again. It’s time to stand.

Join me?

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. – Galatians 5:1

knight photo

Abba, Father, I cry out to you! Thank you for the truth of your Word that assures us of grace and adoption. Thank You for each one reading these words, and the strength we lend each other. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…


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Shelly

Are You Done In?

weak photo

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. – John 10:10

I started this devotional out by looking up the term, “done in”. What I found had me both nodding in agreement, and shaking my head as I realized what God wanted me to see.

Here is the Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of “done in”:
to bring about the defeat or destruction of ;
annihilate,cream,decimate,demolish,desolate,destroy,devastate,extinguish,nuke,pull down,pulverize,raze,rub out,ruin,shatter,smash,tear down,total,vaporize,waste,wrack,wreck

Do I feel this way. A resounding, “Yes!”

But is this the description of a child of God? In No Way.

we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. – 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

The enemy’s been getting in some sucker punches this year. He’s got my number and he’s calling constantly. Calling me to feel crushed, despairing, even forsaken.

As if.

Oh we’re in good company, Dear Ones. Christ felt forsaken, as well.

About the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” – Matthew 27:46

Then He proved He was anything but destroyed by rising from the dead.

Give that a moment to sink in.

And He made me this promise. You, too.

Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,” so that we confidently say,

The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.
What will man do to me?” – Hebrews 13:5-6

See, it feels true that I am done in. Completely.

Seriously, if someone asks me to blink, I will burst into tears. I’m that tired.

exhausted photo

But I can’t trust my feelings.

I can trust God. And He says that because the death of Jesus is carried around in my body, the life, the amazing, perfect, so-beautiful-it-hurts life of Jesus can be manifested there! In my body… this body that is broken and battered and completely undone… in this body can be manifested the life of Christ.

How?

I don’t have a clue. I’m still just as tired and bruised and helpless as you are. And maybe that’s the best starting point.

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

His faithfulness depends not a whit on my understanding.

Thank God.

Father, thank You for showing me over and over and over again how Your Word is true. Thank You for making wise the simple. Please continue working all things to my good, despite myself, because oh how I love you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…


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Shelly

A Bumpy Year and a Return to Writing

He who gives attention to the word will find good,
And blessed is he who trusts in the Lord. – Proverbs 16:20

This year has been a bumpy one! I would bet it has been for you, too. I’ve missed you, and our chats. I’m walking again. Driving. But we discovered this year that I have had a prolonged exposure to mold, which may be the crux of all my issues. And I’ve been ill ever since. One germ after another has invaded and taken hold and multiplied, or whatever it is that germs do. All I know is that I have no immune system to speak of and because of this am mostly homebound… again.

Instead of taking this all in stride, remembering what I’ve learned the last 10 years about God, I am fighting it tooth and nail. I am resentful and bitter. And I am done.

I just feel… Done. Do you know what I mean?

Done in.

Done for.

Just… Done.

I’m weary beyond description. Weary of all of it. The pain, the insomnia, the guilt, the discouragement. Weary to the bone and I just can’t do it anymore. Any of it.

My therapist said that stopping writing was stopping what brought me joy. It was also stopping a very important outlet for me. A venting, but also a place I felt needed and useful. And most importantly, it’s how I wrestle with God. It’s our form of deep communication, and I’ve gone without it for far too long now. She’s right.

Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God,
For you have stumbled because of your iniquity.
Take words with you and return to the Lord.
Say to Him, “Take away all iniquity
And receive us graciously,
That we may present the fruit of our lips. -Hosea 14:1-2

So here I am. I’ve missed all of you so very, very much, Dear Ones. I’m once again pledging to God to write as long as he’s giving me words. And oh, how he’s speaking into my heart.

He gives me words when I’m asleep, and I wake up with devotionals swirling inside my head, complete and whole and beautiful. Then I refuse to write them down. But no more.

And so, starting tomorrow, we’ll look at what being done really means and if it’s truth or yet another lie from our crafty enemy.

Are you in?

Heavenly Father, forgive me. Forgive me for fearing more than faithing. Forgive me for shutting out and shutting down. Forgive me for losing sight and losing grip. Help me. Help us all. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…


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Shelly

A Bad Case of the “But-I-Want-To’s”

cross arms photo

Every way of a man is right in his own eyes,
But the Lord weighs the hearts.

Proverbs 21:2

It’s been a rough few weeks, Friends. The weather fronts coming in, going out in waves, one after the other after the other… Oh the Humanity.

See, the barometric pressures play havoc with my Intracranial Hypertension.

I’m so dizzy I can’t even get to the bathroom without a walker, and even then it’s touch and go sometimes. I’m hurting so badly that I find myself sitting with clenched fists, and no medication eases it in the least. That’s the curse of IH.

My thoughts are fuzzy. I’m certainly in no shape to drive… or read… or cook…

You get the picture.

I’ve been mostly incapacitated, with brief times of reprieve between storms.

cross arms photo

I’ve had a bad, bad case of the “but-I-want-to’s”!

I know that I am not well enough to go for a little shopping trip, but I want to!

I have no doubt that going to lend a helping hand with a physical task will do me in, but I want to!

Writing anything coherent is out of the question, but I want to!

And so I push. I push back against my body with it’s frailties and limitations. I push with all my might, with a scowl affixed to my determined face. I strain until my muscles shake with the effort.

And do you know what I get in return for all my stubbornness?

Sick.

I get sick.

See, just like it says in the Proverbs, these ways seem right in my own eyes! In not one of these decisions have I bothered to ask what plans God has for me.

Our bodies have limitations. If we do not honor those, we pay hard consequences.

But this doesn’t mean God doesn’t have a plan for us, work for us to do!

pray photo

I was convicted by this scripture this week:
Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content
Philippians 4:11

Ouch, right?

Even when I’m stuck holding the recliner down, I can still put on the praise music and sing to our marvelous God. Even when I can’t lend a physical helping hand, I can encourage and accomplish smaller tasks. And even when I am not able to sit upright because the room won’t stop spinning, I can still pray!

Do these things seem “not enough” to you, Dear One? Do you have a bad case of the but-I-want-to’s?

Have you stopped to ask what plans God has for you?

pray photo

Maybe there’s a friend who just needs a listening ear.

There could be a schoolteacher who needs some coloring or cutting done for her next lesson!

Time to praise God is never wasted, not ever.

When was the last time you journaled?

Do you keep an updated prayer list? This is a wonderful use of your time.

Think of who might need a special card in the mail, and take your time making one!

As our scripture for today reminds us, God weighs our hearts.

He knows of our longings.

And He’s given us a promise.

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Hebrews 13:5

Holy God, thank You for the conviction in your Holy Word. Please help us all to submit to your will for our lives, no matter what that will is. Teach us to be content. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…





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Sunday Scripture: 10/7/2018

Jesus photo

And all who heard Him were amazed at His understanding and His answers.
Luke 2:47





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When the Wind Blows

storm sea photo

When a moderate south wind came up, supposing that they had attained their purpose, they weighed anchor and began sailing along Crete, close inshore.
– Acts 27:13

They thought things had taken a turn in their favor, see. They had been advised to turn back, but they snugged up close to shore instead, and the first moderate wind that blew had their hopes up.

Have you been there, Dear One?

I have.

 

We know what happens next, don’t we?

But before very long there rushed down from the land a violent wind, called Euraquilo; – Acts 27:14

Yep, that wind gets us every time. The next part is so me, too.

and when the ship was caught in it and could not face the wind, we gave way to it and let ourselves be driven along. – Acts 27:15

Are you driven along?

There’s another way, and I’m focusing on that today.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
– Matthew 11:28-30

Let the wind rage, let the waters roar.

I only hear the voice of my Savior.

Jesus Himself was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?” And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Hush, be still.” And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm.And He said to them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?” – Mark 4:38-40

Dear God, help us to reach for You today. Thank You for controlling what seems uncontrollable to us, and for Your love, and most of all for Your Son. In His Name We Pray, Amen…





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Even If You’re Not Okay

In peace I will both lie down and sleep,
For You alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety.
– Psalm 4:8

I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you’re like me. You now have a strange relationship with sleep.

Am I right?

sleep photo

I always have these grand plans to get to bed at a decent hour, to get enough hours of sleep, to truly rest.

Then the night comes on. Why oh why is it that as soon as that moon makes an appearance, all my grand plans go right out the window?

I think it’s because I’ve linked sleep with closure in my mind. Does that make sense?
I want things to all be okay before I lie down. My eyes shouldn’t close when there is so much upheaval!

And let’s face it, things haven’t really been okay in a very long time!

tired photo

Sometimes it feels like sleep requires answers. A knowledge of what is happening and what’s to come. Other times the stress of the day feels unfinished, ricocheting around in my brain like a record that always skips on my favorite part.

At night, sadness feels unexpressed, panic feels imminent, and loneliness claws.

I want to share something I have learned from experience.

It’s okay to not be okay.

Okay-ness is not required before you are allowed to sleep.

You can continue working on being okay the next day.

He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. – Colossians 1:17

night photo

God designed the blanket of night for our pause. He created the pillow of deep silence for our refreshing.

It’s okay to lay it all down and sleep. Even if you’re not okay.

God holds it all together until the morning. And you know what happens then.

The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. – Lamentations 3:22-23

For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning. – Psalm 30:5

 

Dear God, it feels like things haven’t been okay for a really long time. But I trust and I know that you are holding all things together. In you alone I will lie down and sleep. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…





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Sunday Scripture 9/23/18

red photo
Let love be without hypocrisy.
Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.
 – Romans 12:9





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Shut Up

silent photo

But if I say, “I will not remember Him
Or speak anymore in His name,”
Then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
And I am weary of holding it in,
And I cannot endure it. – Jeremiah 20:9

Ten months.

Okay, ten long months.

That’s how long this space has been a silent tribute to our marvelous God through pain and heartache.

But God is calling me back. The prophet Jeremiah and I, we have this thing in common.

I find that in my heart it has become like a burning fire…. an unrelenting need to share the things He’s sharing with me. Reminds me of this, too:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer; and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

So I’ll start small, right here.

I’m back. We’ll see where God takes this, but for now, just know you are not alone. I pray for my readers daily. You are loved. You matter. Thank you for being on this journey with me.

(Taking a deep breath.)

See you tomorrow.

Heavenly Father, bless this space with Your presence and Your words. Thank You for each other. Thank You most of all for Jesus. In His Name, Amen…





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Shelly