Updated on September 20, 2015
The Last Straw
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. – Isaiah 41:10
Have you ever just been where you go through so much Big Hard stuff and seem okay, then the smallest thing feels like the last straw?
That happened to me a couple weeks ago.
There’s been much upheaval in my life as of late. Mostly it’s been internal upheaval, and it seems that’s the hardest to play nice with. But I was hanging in, ya know?
I prayed my way through new big health issues. I was carried along by friends and family as I adjusted to new normals… again. I sailed on mostly smooth seas through the valley of that ominous shadow. And I was still hopeful. Still brave. Still shuffling forward a centimeter at a time.
And then it happened.
I printed off some color sheets that I was excited to color and send to friends. Brian even bought me new colored pencils with pointy tips. I spent a few minutes just admiring them. Then I started to color. I colored 5 blocks. Five small blocks. And my arms started hurting. I mean really hurting. My vision was blurry for 2 hours after I had stopped coloring.
Earlier in that week, I had fallen a few times. I had admitted to myself that I have to stop trying to learn the guitar because between my brain and my fingers, it’s just an impossible task. And now I find that I can’t even color.
It’s coloring, people. Who can’t color? Preschoolers color, for mercy’s sake!
And that’s when the world just crumbled around me. I didn’t sleep for 2 nights, out of sheer overwhelming hopelessness. I tried reminding myself of all that I can do, of all that I have been blessed with… I mean, my first book is being printed as we speak. How can I be so discouraged when God is still working in such big ways through my brokenness??? Seriously!
Well, I’ll tell you what. It’s because being broken hurts. It’s hard. Some days I find it laughable that people would find hope in my words.
And then… then, God…
He reminds me.
When we arrived in Macedonia, there was no rest for us. We faced conflict from every direction, with battles on the outside and fear on the inside. But God, who encourages those who are discouraged, encouraged us by the arrival of Titus. His presence was a joy, but so was the news he brought of the encouragement he received from you. When he told us how much you long to see me, and how sorry you are for what happened, and how loyal you are to me, I was filled with joy! – 2 Corinthians 7:5-7
Battles on the outside and fear on the inside.
That pretty much sums it up, doesn’t it?
God reminds me that He will encourage me. He will encourage us all. This brief moment in time when all I feel is the breaking apart and the falling away and the suffocation of being buried among the ruin, this moment is not the end.
And so for now I will lay it all down and cry for a while. I will rest in His arms and let Him take care of me. Because I want to be ready when encouragement arrives. I want to have grieved so that I can relish the joy that is already on the way.
Are you having a crumble day? Just rest, Dear One. Hope is coming.
Dear Lord, some days I am just so done. The battles and the fears just keep coming and sometimes I just need encouragement. Thank You for always providing so perfectly, whether it be comfort or hope. I’ll take a little of both, please. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…
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May God Bless You,
Shelly
Updated on September 17, 2015
When You Just Want to Go Home
I have very vivid memories of my first lumbar puncture. Now don’t get me wrong, while LPs are never fun, they don’t have to be torturous, either. This one was truly awful.
I remember the nurse who was standing sweetly by my head throughout the ordeal, asking, “Are you okay?”
I was crying. I was not okay. But I knew she was asking to try and comfort me, to try and help. “No,” I replied, “No. I want to go home.”
“I just want to go home.”
Later that day I did eventually go home. Do you know what I learned that afternoon? That home wasn’t really what I was wanting. What I was wanting was to take it back… take back the pain and the fear and the tears and the whole terrible experience. I wanted to be back in the last place I remembered being happy and healthy and carefree.
Even back at home, I was still a changed person. That’s part of the sadness of chronic illness. We want to go home. We want to turn back the clock. And it’s a hard, hard day when we realize that home is just as changed as we are.
Want some good news?
For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit.
So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. For we live by believing and not by seeing. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. So whether we are here in this body or away from this body, our goal is to please him. For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body. – 2 Corinthians 5:1-10
One day we will go to an eternal home prepared just for us. Time will not exist there. There will be no pain, no tears. No hunger or fear or desperation will mar the beauty of our new life. We will be with those we love who have gone before us. We will be in the presence of our Savior. Forever.
“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.” – John 14:1-3
Dear God, ease our suffering here on earth for just a little while. We’d like to curl up and rest with our head on Your shoulder for a bit. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…
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May God Bless You,
Shelly
Updated on September 11, 2015
Are You Missing the Miracle?
But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!”
Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”
So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. – Matthew 14:27-29
You lured me out onto the water,
like a siren song Your perfect voice was impossible to ignore.
And now the fathoms below me loom dark and forbidding,
but I keep placing one waterlogged foot in front of the other.
Photo by quinn.anya 
How crazy is it that I’ve been walking on the water…
on the water…
while I’m asking where my Savior has gone?
My feet slap furiously against the deep
as I run full-out toward my King,
forgetting that liquid cannot bear my weight,
and is created to swallow me instead.
How have I completely dismissed every law of physics
at the same time that I am supernaturally supported,
while each step carries me soggily forward toward heaven?
The tide carries me closer
when it goes out
and nearer as it comes in.
Because even the sea
even the coldest ocean
even the tsunami wave of the briny fathoms
cannot separate me from the love of God
which is in Christ Jesus.
Lord, may the pain
never distract me so much
that I miss the miracle.
Photo by nickpestov
Father, grant me eyes that see
the wonder of my journey
across the dark deep.
Thank You for being there
should I ever start to sink.
I’m coming, Lord.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen…
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May God Bless You,
Shelly
Updated on September 14, 2015
My Book is Out, My Book is Out!!
If you know me at all, you know that title is for real. I’m so excited, I had to say it more than once!
Those who plant in tears
will harvest with shouts of joy. – Psalm 126:5
The Kindle and Audio versions are being prepared right now and will prayerfully be out in a week or so. The paperback of my first ever book has arrived!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So you have a chronic illness. Naming it was probably hard-won and you feel like you’re reeling from the enormity of this new life and all that it entails. I’ve been there. Chronic Illness is a whole new animal. I want to share what God has taught me since learning I have a chronic illness. In this book, I have compiled 30 of my devotionals that best deal with coming to terms with a chronic illness and how to adapt to your new life, complete with discussion questions following each one. My prayer is that you will come to know that you are not alone and that you, me and God can do this.
This is a great gift for yourself or someone you know who is facing the difficult journey of chronic illness. Even if you’ve been doing this for a while now, I know this book will help you to feel less alone. It also makes a great group study book, since there are a prayer and discussion questions following each devotional. If you’re interested in purchasing from Amazon, just click on the photo below! Thank you all for helping me to celebrate!
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May God Bless You,
Shelly
Updated on September 11, 2015
Wanderlust From a Recliner
“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—His eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse” (Romans 1:20).
One of the losses that has been the hardest to accept with chronic illness is the ability to get out and explore the beauty in this world God created.
Long drives and vacations have always been a part of my life. Due to disability, I am pretty well trapped at home now.
I wanted to share with you one of the things that has helped me in this regard. I call it, “Wanderlust from a Recliner.”
Wander over to Rest Ministries to finish this post, won’t you?
Then just make yourself at home. <3
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May God Bless You,
Shelly
Updated on September 7, 2015
Some Days I Don’t Want to Endure
So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. – 1 Peter 1:6-7
Sometimes the truth is hard, isn’t it? And the truth is that some things we face in this life cannot be fixed. Some things cannot be changed or healed or repaired. Sometimes we have to live broken. It all goes back to that whole Adam-and-Eve-fruit thing. You remember, when the enemy thought he had won? Although he has lost, until Jesus comes back we have to live on this old earth and sometimes the bitter truth is that this life is plain old painful.
Job knew this hard truth all too well. Sometimes when we wish for a fix, we find we have to simply endure.
At least I can take comfort in this:
Despite the pain,
I have not denied the words of the Holy One.
But I don’t have the strength to endure.
I have nothing to live for.
Do I have the strength of a stone?
Is my body made of bronze? – Job 6:10-12
Job recognized right off that we do not have the power to endure. Nothing on this earth will give us that power.
Their confidence hangs by a thread.
They are leaning on a spider’s web.
They cling to their home for security, but it won’t last.
They try to hold it tight, but it will not endure. – Job 8:14-15
But their cities will be ruined.
They will live in abandoned houses
that are ready to tumble down.
Their riches will not last,
and their wealth will not endure.
Their possessions will no longer spread across the horizon. – Job 15:28-29
They were always greedy and never satisfied.
Nothing remains of all the things they dreamed about.
Nothing is left after they finish gorging themselves.
Therefore, their prosperity will not endure.
In the midst of plenty, they will run into trouble
and be overcome by misery. – Job 20:20-22
For the endurance it takes to live this life as salt and light, there’s only one place to turn. Can you guess where that would be?
Your throne, O God, endures forever and ever.
You rule with a scepter of justice. – Psalm 45:6
I will sing of the Lord’s unfailing love forever!
Young and old will hear of your faithfulness.
Your unfailing love will last forever.
Your faithfulness is as enduring as the heavens. – Psalm 89:1-2
And so today, and every hard day, when the fixes don’t come and the pain is too much, all there is for me to do is…
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever. – 1 Chronicles 16:34
Will you praise with me, Dear One? It’s the strongest weapon we’ve got against the darkness. Against the enemy of our very souls. The endurance will come. We can do this. Because we are not alone.
Holy Father, we beg You to cover us during these awful times when the world becomes just too much. Help us to lean only on You and your precious Son. You are the only thing that endures. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…
If you have been helped by this post and think it could be helpful to someone you know, please share this post on the social network of your choice for me.
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May God Bless You,
Shelly
Updated on September 4, 2015
The Thing That Makes Us Wishers
Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are. – 1 Peter 5:8-9
I’ve been wrestling with this silly truth for a while now. Well, for almost precisely six years now, to be exact. It’s a wish I hold dear to my heart, one I can’t seem to let go of no matter if it’s a good day or a bad one.
I wish, with all my heart, that I was crazy. I wish I was nutty as a loon, and a hypochondriac to boot. I wish I was the laziest insane person that ever was born.
Because being a hypochondriac makes you a very disturbed person. But better to be disturbed than chronically ill.
Because being lazy makes you a despicable human being. But better to be despicable than suffering in pain.
Because being crazy means you need lots of help and maybe a padded room, but it doesn’t steal your life from you a breath at a time, right before your eyes.
So many doctors accuse us of being exactly these things. Over and over and over again. Sometimes our families wonder. Our friends whisper. And lets be honest, we ourselves have wondered if it’s true more than once or twice. We’ve tested ourselves to make certain this isn’t all cooked up in our imaginations.
It’s sad, terribly sad, when we wish with all our heart to be crazy.
Do you know where this wish comes from, Dear One? I do. It comes from fear. Plain and simple.
Fear doesn’t come from God.
Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. – 1 John 4:18
It comes straight from that old devil. He keeps using the same old ploys because they work so well. Fear is one of his favorites. He’s a roaring lion, alright.
Want some good news, fellow wishers?
God’s got his number. He knows exactly what to do with lions. He knows what our great faith can do. And that’s only the beginning…
How much more do I need to say? It would take too long to recount the stories of the faith of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, and all the prophets. By faith these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what God had promised them. They shut the mouths of lions, quenched the flames of fire, and escaped death by the edge of the sword. Their weakness was turned to strength. They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight. Women received their loved ones back again from death.
But others were tortured, refusing to turn from God in order to be set free. They placed their hope in a better life after the resurrection. Some were jeered at, and their backs were cut open with whips. Others were chained in prisons. Some died by stoning, some were sawed in half, and others were killed with the sword. Some went about wearing skins of sheep and goats, destitute and oppressed and mistreated. They were too good for this world, wandering over deserts and mountains, hiding in caves and holes in the ground.
All these people earned a good reputation because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised. For God had something better in mind for us, so that they would not reach perfection without us. – Hebrews 11:32-40
This fear that makes us wishers… let’s kick that to the curb today. The lion’s mouth can be shut. It will be shut. God has something better in mind for us. Both here and in eternity.
So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” – Romans 8:15
Fear not…
Holy God, renew our faith. Revive our hope and remind us of our sanity. Thank You for always believing in us. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…
If you have been helped by this post and think it could be helpful to someone you know, please share this post on the social network of your choice for me.
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May God Bless You,
Shelly
Updated on September 7, 2015
Tips on Tuesday: Insomnia
An extra tip from last week’s post:
* Kate says, “There are special fabrics you can wear that you dampen and as they evaporate, they specifically cool. I have a sample of the arm bands from Columbia Omni Freeze, I would love a shirt made out of this material!
I am also seriously considering buying a “Cool Fat Buster” because it’s apparently a very excellent, long lasting product, to wear around my house when I need to be cooled (a few of my friends have it). At least I need to get a vest (wanted to make one but it never happened this summer) to insert ice packs, I function SO much better when I’m chilled.”
Thank you, Kate! 🙂
And now, on to today’s tip!
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe. – Psalm 4:8
Insomnia is a monster that stalks me in the dark. So true. In the light, I seem to be able to collapse into sleep, but it’s just not the restful sleep we get if we rest at night. It’s a terrible problem that all chronically ill fight. Sometimes it’s pain that keeps me up. Other times it’s just that my brain doesn’t send the proper signals.
I’d like to share with you some tips that have helped when I’m having insomnia. Keep in mind that I have yet to conquer this issue, but if any of these tips could help you, I want to share them.
I do not take medication to help me sleep. If you do, please keep doing it as long as your doctor advises. That’s the first thing. Also, if you feel you need medication to help you sleep, please discuss this with your doctor and then make the best informed decision you can for yourself. There is no shame in needing and using medication that betters your quality of life or your health.
I do use melatonin, an herb that helps with the way your body naturally produces the chemicals needed to feel sleepy. I also use yellow light bulbs in my bedroom, because yellow light has been shown to help aid in the brain’s production of melatonin.
I have found that it is helpful to have a set evening routine and to stick with that routine as often as possible. This really does help me to train my brain about when it is time to start winding down and getting ready for sleep. Your bedtime routine could include a soothing bath, a nice herbal tea, perhaps a bit of reading or quiet music. Get comfy and quiet down. The evening routine should not include television or computers, since they stimulate the awake areas of the brain.
Unless……
We have found a wonderful program that runs on my laptop which changes the colors and brightness of my screen, according to the time of day. This has really made a huge difference for me. Now I can continue to work my puzzle app, or even write, as part of my bedtime routine, and not be affected by the awake areas being stimulated.
Another tip I have is that you talk with your doctor about a sleep study. I sleep so much better now that I have my CPAP machine, and I stay asleep more easily, too. It’s possible that you aren’t breathing properly when your body falls into deep sleep. This is not only frustrating, but can be very dangerous. A sleep study is inconvenient, but is only one night and could produce great benefits in your sleep, and therefore in your quality of life.
The last tip I’ll give is that if you are just laying there with eyes wide open in the dark, as sleep eludes you, consider spending that time in prayer. It may not make you drowsy, but it’s the perfect way to spend the time, and you couldn’t ask for better company.
Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. – Psalm 121:4
If you have been helped by this post and think it could be helpful to someone you know, please share this post on the social network of your choice for me.
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May God Bless You,
Shelly
Updated on September 3, 2015
Refreshing Others
“A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed” (Proverbs 11:25).
A smile for an often-invisible worker or clerk . . .
A happy tone, or a “God Bless You” to a telemarketer . . .
A bright and hopeful “thinking of you” arriving in a mailbox . . .
A ten-minute phone call with a person who is lonely . . .
An acceptance of help from a friend who’s been offering . . .
I sure hope you’ll hop on over to Rest Ministries to finish this post.
See you there! <3
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May God Bless You,
Shelly
Updated on August 30, 2015
Sleeping with the Enemy
“Come now, let’s settle this,”
says the Lord.
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
I will make them as white as snow.
Though they are red like crimson,
I will make them as white as wool.” – Isaiah 1:18
Coming to terms with a chronic illness and disability is a lot like sleeping with the enemy. This thing that literally hates my guts… this un-named-after-6-years nightmare of a thing… sits at the table with me for each meal. It shares my every moment. It colors my every decision. It’s ugly face is the first thing I see each morning and the last thing I see if I can close my eyes at night.
How? How on earth can this be even the least bit tolerable, this constant companion that longs to bring me pain and see me laid low? How can I stand another day in the shoes that are shared by such a horrendous meanie?
Do you ever ask yourself those questions, or is it just me?
I have the answer. I know how.
Granted, sometimes “knowing” doesn’t seem like nearly enough and Heaven knows I have to remind myself at least 16.2 times a day.
Nevertheless, I have the answer. Can I remind you, too?
Jesus paid it all. My debt is gone. The crimson stain is washed to white as snow. I am set free.
This thorn? It’s been nailed to the tree already. This cross? It’s been lugged up that hill by the one who bore the stripes for me.
I may have to lay down with the enemy, for now. I may have to rise up and endure through its awfulness every single day, for now. Christ gives me the strength to do everything I need to do. For now.
But soon… oh, come quickly, Lord Jesus…
No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. – Romans 8:37
Sweet Jesus, how can we ever thank You for Your sacrifice? Thank You for nailing all our suffering, and the bitterest of enemies, to that tree. Thank You for Your blood that cleanses and frees. In Jesus’ Name, Amen…
If you have been helped by this post and think it could be helpful to someone you know, please share this post on the social network of your choice for me.
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May God Bless You,
Shelly
